I thought it was about time I updated this a bit… (Updates are in italics.)
Where to begin with such a title?
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I am a 26 years old woman. I am actually 28 now. I want to be able to write freely and anonymously, but still appreciate feedback, so please feel free to comment.
I am struggling through a recovery from a two level spinal fusion, and subsequent depression. Since writing this initially I have underwent a second back surgery. See ‘The Never-Ending Back Story‘ and ‘[…] Chapter 2‘. I am also struggling with a relationship that has stopped being fulfilling. I have ended that relationship and am happy to say I have met and fallen in love with the man of my dreams. See ‘Mr. Wonderful‘ and ‘Wonderings‘. This blog will be about everything and anything I want.
I am trying to find a way to increase my personal motivation. I have read through a couple of books on depression that promote natural remedies to depression but I have yet to find the motivation and energy to start any of the changes suggested.
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Hopefully, dear reader, you will see me transition from a dependent and depressed woman in to the person I can be. I will have bad days, and if negativity gets to you please don’t read the negative posts, but I can’t limit myself to remaining positive when there is so much negative in me. Showing you only one side of me is painting an incomplete picture. Surgery and recovery is only one faucet of me.
I sincerely hope you enjoy getting to know me.
All the best,
-S.
The Secret World of S. 
I’m glad you’ve created a safe haven for yourself to express yourself as you want to do. It is essential!
I am so sorry your relationship is not being fulfilling in the way you need.
so what do you feel is lacking? Clearly it was there before. What’s happened?
Hi Caroline,
You know, I am not sure what happened. It is something I plan to ‘flesh-out’ here. I really am not sure if it is circumstance or if something has really changed. But either way it is something that is confusing and stressful. I feel guilty about so much and it clouds the way I look at my relationship right now.
Ha ha, if I figure out a better answer, you will be the first to know! 🙂
Thank you so much for coming by! I really appreciate your comments, and support. I am truly grateful that I found your blog and I love watching you unfold and flourish. It is beautiful and inspirational to me.
xoox -S.
You are a whole person. This blog gives you a forum to express your wholeness.
As Westerners, we use words like “negative” and “positive” – but really there just is what is … neither bad nor good. We experience events and moments as being pleasurable or neutral or painful, and add the labels, and then judge ourselves by which labels we chose, and worry about how others may judge us, it’s a monkey mind cycle.
This blog is your place to breathe in and exhale and express what is without worrying about judgement. I’m proud of you for starting it.
Ha! Now I ought to go over to my-monkey-mind-mess of a blog and try to be zen about that!
Hi Ruth,
Thank you so much for your lovely comments. I am really trying to let go of parts of my western mindset. (Ha! If that is really possible. 😛 ) I am trying to accept that what is, is the way it is and perhaps everything I have to go through will bring me closer to me. I appreciate the sentiment of forgetting judgement; not only am I not going to worry about being judged by others, I am also not going to judge myself. That being said, I always appreciate comments, especially yours, and I am in no way saying that I am against opinions being expressed within. I am really just trying to treat myself kindly, more like how I treat others.
But, like your last comment, it is much easier to say and contemplate than to be and do! I act like I am all zen about my situation, but I still feel anger everyday. I guess there is always something to work on!
Tons of love!
– S.
Oh, I just realise that I already knew you from your previous blog, and am glad to see you’ve good as much fight in you as ever.
x
Haha, Thanks Lady E.
I love reading about your journey back to happiness. It gives me hope that when I decide to take the plunge I will be able to find my way back to shore. I love your writing.
Thanks for coming by!
xo – S.
Thanks S.,
I truly admire your character…And sadly, I’m not so happy right now.
Good luck with swimming back to shore.
x
Thanks for stopping by my blog and liking! Looking foward to your journey!!!
Hi S, I hope you are well, just to let you know I’ve nominated you for the reader appreciation award, http://chronicpainandme.wordpress.com/2012/04/26/award-nomination/
Hey, I just wanted to stop by and let you know I nominated you for an award ❤ Come check it out! http://magikdolls.wordpress.com/2012/05/25/beautiful-blogger-award-3/
Thanks Darling! You made my week!! Oh, and send the email without the end, really I just want to make sure I haven’t offended you or anything!
Tons of love, Darl.
xoxo – S.
More awards for you – http://chronicpainandme.wordpress.com/2012/05/27/awards/
Another award for you! – http://halfwaybetweenthegutter.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/one-lovely-blog-award-and-some-big-confessions/
No obligation to take part, I know these awards annoy some people. I just wanted to show you some appreciation and let others know how awesome your blog is. I haven’t read everything you’ve written yet, S, but I’m trying 😉 I have much respect for your strength.
Hey there!
Thank you so much for both the award and the wonderful comments.
I don’t know if it is strength that has brought me through or my absolute refusal to believe that this is all there is for me. I can’t give up. I can’t live half a life. This can’t be all there is, I have to get better. I have been struggling for over two years with this damned back injury and the depression and anxiety that walks hand in hand with my chronic pain and I refuse to believe that it doesn’t get better. Right now I can’t think about having kids, my spine won’t support a pregnancy and I can’t let myself believe that this is the way it will always be. I have to get better.
The alternative is just too lacking in lifes good things that I would throw in the towel if I didn’t believe it gets better.
Anyway, thank you for saying that you respect my strength. It makes me feel like all is not for naught. I will be catching up with you soon, well I have been reading, but I have some comments I will send in the next couple of days. I just came out of a bit of a dark period and kinda cocooned myself in bed for the last couple of weeks… Let’s hope I emerge a butterfly and not a shrivelled up caterpillar! 😛
xoxo – S.
I’ve only had a chance to read through a tiny bit of your blog, but have basic questions regarding your back surgery. It’s inevitable that I will have two separate surgeries, one on my lower back, the other just below the shoulder blades. If it’s ok to discuss that via email, if you are willing of course, that will spare a long comment thread. If not, no worries. 🙂 bipolar2ne@gmail.com
I do have a couple of questions/comments on your blog entries, but want to write when I’ve time to give a thoughtful response.