So, you probably all know C. by now. For the new readers, (Surprisingly there are a few! Welcome!!) he is my ex boyfriend whom I broke up with to pursue a relationship with Mr. Wonderful last April.
And he found this blog.
Go ahead and read some of the stuff I was trying to figure out here… I can understand his anger. But I haven’t talked to him in six months and really haven’t thought about him in quite a while either. Anyway, he isn’t pleased to find out I cheated on him. The following is a transcript of our conversation… I wanted your opinion…
C. – Seriously, S.!?! WTF is wrong with you?!?
S. – Umm… Nothing? I am perfect.
C. – Okay, you put me in a stinger’s bed and didn’t tell me. Still going with perfect?
S. – What? What bed? We haven’t been in bed together for months.
C. – Yeah, I’m talking about your blog, which someone sent me.
Says you cheated as far as I can see. Timeline’s not clear, but I think I deserve some honesty here. (Side note: Timeline’s perfectly clear.)
S. –What about my blog? I still didn’t put you in any bed.
C. – Were you sleeping with someone when we were still together?
S. – Yeah I was. Sorry. But we hadn’t been having sex at all. Well, I guess you were with your hand, but I wasn’t getting off.
C. – Okay, again, WTF is wrong with you?! I wasn’t into you physically, fine. That has nothing to to with it. We slept together again before the end. To blame my sexuality for your inability to be honest is fucking outrageous. Some people use the term slut to refer to ppl who sleep around a lot. I think that’s unfair. It’s not about how many ppl you’re sleeping with, it’s about your ability to be honest with each person with whom you’re having a relationship. And, yeah, you should be sorry. I had a right to hate you. But you decided to be a coward. What do you have to say? And try not to insult the person who’s not about to put up with anymore BS.
I don’t care that we broke up. I knew you were ugly on the outside. I just didn’t know the inside matched so thoroughly.
S. – I dont have anything to say to you. I broke up with you after cheating on you and haven’t looked back. Actually I am still with the man and he’s wonderful to me. Calling me a slut and ugly means nothing coming from you. After years of you failing as a man and a partner I am happy to be with a real one.
C. – Do I have to get checked out & make some awkward phone calls? You owe me a straight answer to that at least.
Look, S., I didn’t come here to make you feel badly. You should, but I take no delight in thinking you ugly or a slut.
S. – Did I give you an std? Uh, no.
C. – That’s not how I wanted to remember you.
I just came for some honesty about my sexual history.
Sorry I can’t help but feel pissed. Wouldn’t you?
S. – Awkward phone calls to who? You can’t give a computer a human virus.
Yeah I was pissed about a lot of things, nine months ago.
C. – Okay, S., again, I didn’t come to be insulted or to be insulted.
S. – I let it go.
C. – Yeah, well, I just found out didn’t I?
I have let everything go, S., except for the part about not knowing my sexual history. That was irresponsible and unfair, even if you don’t think much of me.
I would never have done anything like that to you.
S. – Hm. I guess so but wouldn’t the non insulting thing be to just get tested if your worried? Don’t contact your ex. And maybe not but you have no sex drive. What you would do is make me feel horrible about myself over and over, lying about your desires and still living off my money like a sponge.
C. – S., I am getting tested, but that takes time. And I have a sex drive. I discovered it when I stopped forcing myself to sleep with someone I wasn’t attracted to. (Side note: I am wondering if he is attracted to men? I always wondered of he was closeted. I don’t say this with malice… Anyone who I talked to about our relationship asked if he was gay.)
And I lied because I felt bad about myself for not wanting you anymore.
I lied to myself and to you and I don’t plan on continuing in a dishonest stream.
S. – Well I guess we are done here then. Unless you would like to talk about the twenty thousand dollars you owe me for room and board?
C. – And I’m sorry you feel I was a sponge, but you never did pay me any of that money back for your rent for a year, so…
And 20,000? Where’d you get that figure?
We weren’t living in the Ritz.
S. – Right. Two months rent is so much a more than being unemployed for three years.
C. – And, again, S., we are done. We were long ago. I don’t have a grudge against you. And it was 8 months rent. You only paid for the months you weren’t living here.
S. – That’s not even 25% of my what I spent in the three years you were unemployed.
C. – And I wasn’t unemployed for 3 years.
S. – Again, I paid the rent at Metcalfe. I am not arguing about this. I owe you nothing, not money and not words to make you feel better. If anything you owe me money.
C. -I mean, I don’t care that you still have other grudges against me. Fine. Grudge away.
And I don’t want words to make me feel better. You do owe an apology though. Any decent human being would recognize that. Not for the cheating, but for lying about it and then sleeping with me anyway. Seriously not cool
S. – I have no grudge. You contacted me. I am ridiculously happy where I am.
And no, I don’t owe you an apology.
C. – Listen, be happy, that’s not the point. I don’t care anymore. Do you get that? I just wanted to know that my sexual history was clean. And yeah, you do fucking owe an apology. I wasn’t the best boyfriend. I don’t care that I wasn’t. But presumably you would agree that I should have known?
Ending a 4 year relationship with a lie like that is fucking disgusting. Do you get that? Do you get that it was unethical?
Do you get that I should have known before I made the decision to sleep with you again?
S. – Meh.
C. – Please tell me that that mild bit of human decency isn’t lost on you.
That’s how little you think of me?!
S. – Yep.
C. – I knew it wasn’t much, but that’s low, S.
You honestly think I deserved this?
S. – At that point I wasn’t concerned with you. For the first time in so long I was thinking about me.
C. – Fine. I get the selfishness thing. Even makes a lot of sense. But in your blog you say you were constantly thinking about how I would be effected, school-wise at least. So was it as simple as that?
S. – Did I want you to drop out? No I didn’t want that on my conscience. I didn’t want you to lose your credits because if me. I don’t hate you, I just don’t like you.
C. – Well, that’s at least something. But it seems odd to me that you would be concerned about me dropping and not about me knowing why you wanted to break up. I would’ve understood. I mean, I would’ve been hurt, but I would’ve been able to understand and to make an informed decision about my sexual partners.
S. – I gave you some of my time but I am done now. Deal or don’t. I don’t particularly care.
C. – And I don’t care what you think either. we’ve established that much. It seems like you have built up a lot of hatred for me, though.
I haven’t thought about you for months, to be honest. And you know how nice I am: I actually tried to make sure you wouldn’t find out I was dating someone else because you asked me to. (Side note: I didn’t know, and don’t care, that he is seeing someone until he went out of his way to tell me… I wonder, man or woman?)
S. – Nope just done. All the hatred I had was inside our relationship. Once I left I was good. Hence why I don’t talk to you. I don’t like you as a person and we have nothing left to discuss.
C. – Yeah, we’re done S. And I wasn’t convinced before, and would have even said the opposite, but you ARE broken. I found out from an anonymous blog and through friends that I’m not aware of my sexual history and all you have to say are flippant and immature things. BTW, I hope your new guy is cheating. It’d be nothing less than you deserve.
I didn’t feel like this deserved a response.
Yes, I was flippant, even cruel at times, but really, after three years of his neglect and abuse, I am done. I don’t care. I don’t feel responsible for coddling his feelings.
For the record, I have no std’s and gave him nothing. I am not being flippant about informing partners of health risks. I know I am clean, I was just trying to save him the additional humiliation of being cheated on. Plus at the time, I really felt like it didn’t matter. I tried for so long to make our sex life work. Should I have cheated? No. Do I regret my actions for a second? Nope.
Everything happens for a reason. It’s about time C. felt something negative after making me half the woman I was. I am usually incredibly considerate of others feelings, hence my decision not to tell him. But in this instance I am not feeling particularly generous.
I bear C. no ill will any longer. I hope he is happy with his new thing. But I also hope he sees the truth at some point… He is selfish, self absorbed and really needs to learn what it’s like to live in the real world and what it means to be a man and partner.
Even saying that makes it seem like I bear some residual anger… Not so. Well maybe, but its because of his ill concealed attempt at kicking me where it hurts while simultaneously claiming moral superiority. He apparently wasn’t looking to be insulted or to insult me, but I answered his question in the second sentence I wrote. So really… What was the point of carrying on beyond that if not in an attempt to wound me?
Thus ends the story of C. An ill advised relationship that I am ridiculously happy to have let go of. Even that brief encounter reminded me why I left the pompous asshole.
As always, thanks for reading! – S.