P.S. It Wasn’t the End…

I thought that last night after telling C. I cheated on him and didn’t give him an std that it might have been the end of it all. After all, I moved on nine months ago… But C. isn’t done yet… I wish I could say that I am surprised by his behavior, but really this is classic C. Continue reading

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Wonderings

The last post I wrote about, and aptly entitled, Mr. Wonderful was exactly six months ago. Its amazing how much has changed… And how much has stayed the same. I am still so in love with him, so completely utterly in love. There is no doubt there, and there is no doubt about how much Mr. Wonderful loves me either. Continue reading

Mothers & Daughters

I will never have the relationship with my mom that I crave. On the other hand, I don’t think I will ever be the daughter my mother wants. So maybe, at its root, it is an issue within me.
My mom and I are different creatures. Her life has been the model of what I don’t want for mine. That sounds harsh, but let me explain before your cast judgment.
My mom married my dad, at the time he was a new recruit in the air force, when she was eighteen for five days and spent the next ten years moving around while my dad got various promotions. She went right from her mother’s house to my dad’s care and finished her last year of high school married to him. Her first time on her own, my dad left for two weeks to train for his position as an air traffic controller, she had a nervous break down and was hospitalized for ten days. Since then she hasn’t spent more than a day or two alone.
She has never worked outside the home, and while I completely appreciate that I had a loving stay at home mom, I haven’t lived at home for over 10 years.
My mom has lived an emotionally stunted life. She has the mentality and attitude of a ten year old child. I wish I could help her, I am pretty sire she is a rapid cycling bipolar with depression but she will never get help.
Its hard when you realize that not only are your parents fallible beings, but sometimes they don’t know what’s best for them.
As much as I long for a more open, adult relationship with my mom, I will never have it. I can’t help her unless she helps herself but she is unwilling to do that. So all I can do is love her. And put up with her stupid shit without allowing myself to feel guilty for moving out, growing up and having my own life.

As always, thanks for reading!
– S.

The Age of Love – NaBloPoMo Day 3

Tuesday, February 05, 2013

  • How old were you the first time you fell in love?

 

The first time I fell in love was a heady, intoxicating and head – or heart – first experience when I was fourteen – well I was really close to fifteen. I’d gotten my first job at McDonald’s in April of the year I turned fifteen in July.

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Saying ‘I Love You’ – NaBloPoMo Day 1

Friday, February 1, 2013I love you

  • When was the last time you said, "I love you."?

The last time I said ‘I love you’ was yesterday afternoon. I thought a lot about how to answer this question and I think there is more to it than when the last time I said it was. I mean, when was the last time I meant ‘I am in love with you’ is not necessarily the last time I said ‘I love you’. And on the other hand, I think I love you more often than I say it.

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February NaBloPoMo – Heart On My Sleeve

February is so many different things to so many different people. Sometimes just thinking about all the different things people are doing at any given time boggles my mind and I have to let the thought go. I digress, what is February? Well, it is the month of ground hog day and St. Valentine’s Day, it is feminists answer to Movember – Februhairy – and is Heart Month and Black History Month. Doing a quick google search brought me to this page with way too many holidays to name. Continue reading