The Green Eyed Crazy Girl

I have had some unwelcome company lately, someone I did’t even know was well aquainted with me until they were practically living inside me. You see, when we get together, all hell breaks loose, so I try to stay away. My vivd and overactive imagination kicks it into overdrive and the crazy girl aspect of my personality I hide so well suddenly makes her presence known. Who is my visitor? – No, not my monthly visitor, although she wreaks her own havoc. My current visitor is worse! – I’ll give you a hint, she is green, oh-so-green. Still guessing? Didn’t think so, I knew my readers were smart.
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Envious is Not Jelous

I have touched on my tendency towards self-isolation in earlier posts but I haven’t really discussed why I isolate myself. There is the obvious answer that I don’t feel good and depression is having its way with me, but it is also something deeper than that for me.

In three days time it will be two years since my injury. At first I was really angry about having to deal with the injury and was even angrier when my year of hardcore physio didn’t produce the expected results and I went in for surgery. When I realized that my fusion wasn’t growing as quickly as my surgeon would like, at first, again, I was angry but now I am just sad. I am sad at all the things I have missed out on over the last two years and I am sad that I haven’t been able to be as personally successful as I would like or had planned before this injury. I am sad that this injury has made those closest to me have to see me like this. I am sad that this injury has cost me two years of my life, two years in which I have watched all those close to me flourish and accomplish amazing goals and feats that I could, and still can, only dream about. I wish all those close to me the absolute best and I am happy for them, really. I am not so petty that I can’t be happy for others successes. But I am envious.

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