The Green Eyed Crazy Girl

I have had some unwelcome company lately, someone I did’t even know was well aquainted with me until they were practically living inside me. You see, when we get together, all hell breaks loose, so I try to stay away. My vivd and overactive imagination kicks it into overdrive and the crazy girl aspect of my personality I hide so well suddenly makes her presence known. Who is my visitor? – No, not my monthly visitor, although she wreaks her own havoc. My current visitor is worse! – I’ll give you a hint, she is green, oh-so-green. Still guessing? Didn’t think so, I knew my readers were smart.
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Wonderings

The last post I wrote about, and aptly entitled, Mr. Wonderful was exactly six months ago. Its amazing how much has changed… And how much has stayed the same. I am still so in love with him, so completely utterly in love. There is no doubt there, and there is no doubt about how much Mr. Wonderful loves me either. Continue reading

Small Deaths

Most women, for most of their lives, go through a monthly cycle of changing hormones, physical and psychological fluctuations and emotional upheavals. Over the course of twenty eight days our bodies prep for pregnancy, creating the perfect environment to foster a new little person. It is only when our womb remains empty that the cycle ends and we shed our useless uterine walls and the bleeding begins.
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Just Breathe

Just Breathe.

Major changes are happening in my life. C. and I broke up and I am moving home to my parents. I have mixed feelings about everything – one minute I am relieved and excited and the next I am terrified and lonely – but I am confident I made the right choice for me.

That was written on May 29 of this year. In the intern, so much has changed – again.
Hopefully over the next few weeks I will get back to blogging. I am not sure whether to let you all on on the last few more this or to look ahead to the future…
Since my last post I have moved home to my parents basement and then I moved out with Mr. Wonderful in August. He has a six year old son, whom I adore, that lives with us half the time. It is humbling to develop such a special relationship with such a wonderful little kid. In fact it is only fitting, being Mr. Wonderful’s son, that he is totally WonderKid. Beyond the major changes in my love life and kiddo, I have attempted return to work, only to fail horribly. After pushing for 4 months to work three thee hour shifts a week I finally called it quits one week before attending a chronic pain management clinic at the rehab center at the hospital. I withdrew from fentanyl, had my heart rate spike to over 150 at rest and up to 220 when I exercised from my pain level being too high so I had to start the opioid battle again…
Now I am on constant levels of a potent opioid but at lower levels than before. Still, I was driving for twenty minutes, resting 15, driving another 30 minutes – where usually I would throw up in the parking lot – resting for another 15 minutes finally making it into work an hour and a half after leaving home. I would work for three hours, taking two or three breaks of 10-15 minutes, and do the same hour and a half drive and rest home – frequently throwing up at home from the spike in pain level. It was hell.
Over the last four weeks, however, I have been attending the pain clinic. Which I think is where I will start the next post. That and all the news and plans from the surgeon…

There’s lots of interesting stuff happening, I still feel overwhelmed sometimes but I get over it. Everyday I remind myself to Just Breathe.
As always, thanks for reading!
-S.

Mr. Wonderful

I thought I would introduce you all to Mr. Wonderful. He is this amazing man sitting beside me, lightly touching my leg while he reads and I type. He makes me comfortable and, perhaps most surprisingly, content. I have known of him for years, and could even claim to have known him years ago, but the man I met a few months back is both the same boy I knew and infinite times better. Continue reading