Just Breathe

Just Breathe.

Major changes are happening in my life. C. and I broke up and I am moving home to my parents. I have mixed feelings about everything – one minute I am relieved and excited and the next I am terrified and lonely – but I am confident I made the right choice for me.

That was written on May 29 of this year. In the intern, so much has changed – again.
Hopefully over the next few weeks I will get back to blogging. I am not sure whether to let you all on on the last few more this or to look ahead to the future…
Since my last post I have moved home to my parents basement and then I moved out with Mr. Wonderful in August. He has a six year old son, whom I adore, that lives with us half the time. It is humbling to develop such a special relationship with such a wonderful little kid. In fact it is only fitting, being Mr. Wonderful’s son, that he is totally WonderKid. Beyond the major changes in my love life and kiddo, I have attempted return to work, only to fail horribly. After pushing for 4 months to work three thee hour shifts a week I finally called it quits one week before attending a chronic pain management clinic at the rehab center at the hospital. I withdrew from fentanyl, had my heart rate spike to over 150 at rest and up to 220 when I exercised from my pain level being too high so I had to start the opioid battle again…
Now I am on constant levels of a potent opioid but at lower levels than before. Still, I was driving for twenty minutes, resting 15, driving another 30 minutes – where usually I would throw up in the parking lot – resting for another 15 minutes finally making it into work an hour and a half after leaving home. I would work for three hours, taking two or three breaks of 10-15 minutes, and do the same hour and a half drive and rest home – frequently throwing up at home from the spike in pain level. It was hell.
Over the last four weeks, however, I have been attending the pain clinic. Which I think is where I will start the next post. That and all the news and plans from the surgeon…

There’s lots of interesting stuff happening, I still feel overwhelmed sometimes but I get over it. Everyday I remind myself to Just Breathe.
As always, thanks for reading!
-S.

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2 thoughts on “Just Breathe

  1. Aline says:

    Although my pain is nowhere near the hell yours is, I know what it’s like to live with back pain, so I sympathize with you. I hope that the pain clinic can provide you with some relief.

    Thinking about!!

    Aline

    • S. says:

      Hi Aline,
      Thanks so much for coming by! I linked my accounts by accident but I am pleased you stumbled by anyway. The pain clinic did provide help but not in the way I expected if I am being honest. My next post will be on the clinic. I do highly recommend it if you can get in.
      Take care, and I hope to hear from you soon.
      Best,
      So – S.

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