the not enough place

I love that this blogger has the wisdom and understanding to be able to write these words. Recently I have discovered that I have never really had self esteem. There have been times when I am wholly confident in myself, but in that dark corner of my psyche I believe that I am not worthy of the same amount of attention and affection i give to others.
I am unsure if this realization will cause any dramatic shift in the way I treat myself, but I do hope that I can at least identify when I am entering that not enough place that is way too spacious for me.
I hope to be able to dissect this more in a blog post soon, but who knows?
All the best,
xo – S.

that precarious gait

There is a very dark place inside some of us.  I think of it as the “not enough” place.  It is a space in our psyche in which we are consistently less than adequate, always falling short of expectations, never quite good enough for the task or person we are striving toward.   This place has no light.  It is heavy, pregnant with expectations never met, people never pleased and ideals fallen away.

For some people, this place was constructed early, as part of some childhood experience — an emotionally distant or highly-critical parent, physical abandonment, or unstable family dynamics.  For others, it appeared suddenly, maybe even overnight, the result of an intensely traumatic experience that shattered their sense of personal safety and value.  Whatever the cause of its appearance, once present it is a difficult place to dismantle.

The not enough place is where all our worst personal demons are…

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One thought on “the not enough place

  1. S — I think recognizing it is the only possible way to escape permanent imprisonment in the not enough place. I think too many people find themselves in that room, looking around, wondering if this is real or false, not understanding that the key to getting out of that room is to simply not believe the horrible things being said about you there.

    I have moments in which I feel supremely not enough, but now that I recognize the mental destination I have reached as only one of many choices, I can back slowly out of that horrible room and seek a different one. But even as I slam the door shut, I can hear the whispered, mocking tones behind me…

    I am always a work in progress. 🙂

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