Today… [meaning Easter Sunday, it took me a couple of days to get this post together.] I am pleasantly surprised to say that today was a good day. I actually did and enjoyed doing things. I woke up early-ish this morning, around 8:30 and sat in the kitchen. After picking up the dishes and putting them in the dishwasher, I made toast and tea and read a couple of blogs. I found a few new ones that I am delighted about and will create a blog roll to share soon!
I didn’t have plans to do anything for Easter, C. went to his parents and invited me along but I really just wanted some time alone in my home. He left around noon and I sat down to just absorb the silence by myself. I decided that since between Friday and yesterday I did an awful lot (I did the groceries, cleaned out the fridge, changed the litter, wiped down and disinfected all the counters… Oh, we did four loads [only half of!] the laundry and I swept again.) and consequently I am rather sore today, that today would be a day about me and things that make me feel better.
So with that in mind after contemplating the thousands of options opened to me, and briefly considering tearing off me clothes and dancing naked just because I could, I decided to do much more mundane activities. I did a twenty minute yoga sequence and watched a movie.
It felt wonderful to move my body into various poses. Don’t worry, I did modified poses for back pain not the crazy advanced poses. However, I am sad to say that even a yoga sequence designed for back pain is too much movement right now. I ache worse than I have in a while the day after. But the feeling I got when I moved through some of the comfortable poses was priceless. I used to do yoga once a week or so. It has always been something I want to work into my daily routine, along with meditation and showering. (Showering is new to that list, I assure you. I do shower regularly, but I would like to have a personal hygiene routine… In fact, that will be how I know I am heading out of my pit, I will shower everyday.) It doesn’t sound like a very hard thing to do, but I was still very proud of myself for thinking of and then doing something I thought might make me feel better.
After yoga I needed to lie down for a while, my back was screaming in protest of being upright. So I laid on the couch and watched a movie.
I don’t even remember what I watched, it didn’t matter. I just wanted to zone out and unwind on the couch by myself, lying down without being seen by someone else, who is constantly home and idle, as lazy. Oh, it was so sweet! I am always amazed at how much I miss alone time when I haven’t had any in a while. The weird thing is that I rarely acknowledge that I may be cranky because I crave time alone or that my need for solitude may be contributing to some of my depression. (I can practically hear the light bulb turning on above my head!)
After the movie, I felt sluggish so I decided to go out for coffee and… You guessed it! I brought my camera!! The five blocks to the nearest coffee shop took me close to an hour and a half to traverse because I took so many pictures! I am embarrassed to say I took over a hundred pictures in that small window of time.
Before I left the house the sun was shining brightly, but soon it was covered with clouds. At first I was going to go home because it didn’t seem as pretty out as it had. It amazes me how different everything looks in bright sunlight.
What made me keep going was seeing the proverbial resurrection in the beauty of nature. Out of this cut back and dead stump is new growth. One lonely green leaf sprouting from a scraggly mass where you would expect to only find death and decay. It gives me hope that a new plant is growing from the destruction of the one that came before it. I guess I feel like it could be a metaphor for my reawakening? Here are some other photos that really speak to the idea that growth can come from death.
I noticed earlier this month that there is a family of birds living on our front porch. I haven’t been able to get a picture of the bird in the nest, as it is really skittish and the moment our front door opens he flees. But I did get a good photo of the nest.
I also managed to get a picture of the bird who lives here perched on the tree across the street. This is the bird who owns the nest. I don’t know what type of bird it is, I always assumed they were sparrows but I am not sure where that conviction came from.
Anyway, as I was walking I kept seeing more and more signs of spring. Although I wasn’t expecting to see any tulips in bloom yet, look at the gorgeous tulip I found. There were actually ten or twelve but only two had the strength to open their hearts to the sun, even on a day as blah as Sunday was. Well, that is not fair, there were patches of glorious sunlight, but it was in short bursts.
During one of those wonderfully bright, shiny and almost heavenly moments when the clouds part to let the sunshine through I saw these chairs beside an office building. They struck me as kind of sad until the sun came out and turned them into a thing of shadow, light and beauty. Notice how they are locked to the bars? I wondered if these poor chairs had been kept captive out there all winter, and then I actually felt sad for their sorry state. Especially because you could tell that they started their life as gorgeous bar stools that would have been lovingly cared for. And then I thought if I want to take care of chairs, for cripes sake, why can’t I take care of myself? But after acknowledging it I just let it go. Me. Queen of ruminating just let the thought float away on a slight breeze.
I love how I am so much more observant when I walk with a camera. Everything is seen and evaluated. One day something might be deemed un-photogenic and the next it becomes something that speaks to me and demands to be captured.
I have noticed these two tags before, but today I just had to take a picture of them. They are both tagged on a building that is classified as a heritage building, but it was ravaged by fire and only has two walls left. Because it is a heritage building, they can’t tear it down but the owner doesn’t want to pay to restore it, so it has sat empty for at least five years. It is a pity because, as you can see, it is a beautiful brick building that is really quite solid. On the left is a few pictures of the inside of the building. There are also a few if the outside. If you look closely at the one that has the red steel things you can see the tag of the guy with the long hair. I always wonder how urban artists get that high? Does anyone know?? Maybe it is part of the appeal that they have to go somewhere I don’t
even know how to get to. The second tag (below)is vaguely creepy. It kind of looks like Harry Potter in fifty years. The picture with the guy playing guitar is all that is left of a mural that used to grace the back of the building.
I was particularly attracted to this building because while it is run down and broken there is still beauty in the building. It is still a gorgeous facade and I would love to see it restored.
The last serene thing I noticed on my walk before my camera died was the sound of a sax drifting out of a restaurant. I often forget how much I like the sound of a sax, I so rarely hear it. These two guys were only doing a sound check so I didn’t linger long but it was lovely to hear those few bars float out to greet me through the open front window of a tiny restaurant and pub. It was a perfect way to end my perfect walk.
Now that it is Wednesday and I have had time to reflect, I think that I have had an ‘aha’ moment. If the first truly relaxing and serene day I have had in… well I don’t remember… happened to coincide with C. being gone for the day what does it say about us? That is a question to contemplate in a later post… This one has been happy and will stay that way!
I think it is safe to say that spring has sprung in my part of Canada! I had my first of many and a very fulfilling walk. I just have to keep telling myself that I should walk more, take more pictures and allow myself to have one of these days every once in a while. Solitude is something that centers me. This is also something I am going to have to come back to and examine more in depth.
For tonight, I hope you enjoyed your walk with me!
Have a great night, all my dear readers!
xo – S.