It is six in the morning. I am not a morning person, something I discovered long ago when my sister had to turn on the lights and rip off my blankets to get me up for school in the morning. So what am I doing up? Well… It has been one of ‘those nights’.g I went to bed around eleven last night so tired and worn out from a day of work, yet not only could I not fall asleep my legs were doing this funky thing where they almost started to ache if I kept them still. So… I didn’t fall asleep until after one and was up at two thirty and three thirty, and then I slept for three hours (Hurray!) and now here I am bleary eyed with a hint of a headache that will probably surface at some point today. Bah! Okay, okay that was totally a rant.
I don’t think there is any ordinary* problem that is more annoying than insomnia. It is something that perpetuates the misery too. Not only am I overly tired in the daytime, I usually take a nap if at all possible because my eyes won’t stay open and this, in turn, makes is harder to fall asleep at night not to mention the spike in pain I experience when I am tired. It is a cycle I thought I had finally kicked about three months ago. Until the last few weeks I have been able to get a solid six-hour block of sleep at night with no sleep meds. I know that is not enough still but it has been a two-year struggle to get me to sleep for more than three hours even with medications of all sorts, so I see six hours as good progress. But about a month ago I started getting up in the night ever couple of hours stiff and in pain.
I have chronic pain. I know what has caused this pain and I am doing everything humanly possible to cure it, both from the medical perspective and now I am looking into the homeopathic methods as well. I can’t afford to actually see a Homeopath but I have been reading tons about natural cures for pain and depression because unfortunately they come hand in hand with me.
What happened a month ago that change my sleeping habits and increased my pain to the level where I had to see my surgeon to make sure I am not re-damaging myself? (Which I could be, I am waiting for a CT scan.) I went back to work for a measly 12 hours a week broken up into three shifts. I have been on workmen’s compensation for close to two years, actually the two year anniversary of my injury is in four days. At this point they are trying to force me off and while I understand that they have guidelines for how long it should take to heal from surgery, I am not better.
Perhaps I will write another post on my ridiculous struggles with workman’s comp. later today. I think I have calmed my mind enough to crawl back into bed. It is Sunday after all, I shouldn’t feel guilty that I am going to sleep in!
*I say ordinary because I have many problems that are rather unique and would not be experienced by many people, especially in my age group. I am not saying it doesn’t happen to others, I am saying it is rare and of my everyday problems insomnia is the most annoying. In no way am I trying to belittle the effect of insomnia on anyone, it’s freakin horrible!